I'm dizzy. Dizzy from a lack of sleep, lack of food, getting sick, too much alcohol, too many cigarettes? The answer is in the question.
It has been an eternity of how life has been. Letting myself settle into a routine of easy self destruction and losing faith in the opposite sex. One one night stand after the next, falling for someone and realizing the loss in a span of 24 hours.
It took me a year to learn drunk post-bar fucking is not a plausible start to a relationship. After that, it was just failed attempts at making a false connection with someone who actually wanted to be with me. It took me six months to stop. Just stop and watch everyone around me.
I am apparently an advice guru on dating. I'm not quite sure how that revelation was made of my friends, but now I am the one they assume knows the answer. I guess I have dated plenty at this point. I'm really good at dating. Not so great at the step once it turns into more than that. They asked me to hold a seminar for them. I asked for a seminar in relationships.
I was doing so well until today. Losing weight. Telling people who were bad for me to kick rocks. Stopped drinking.
I made it two weeks. Two weeks of sobriety. And you know what? It felt like a real accomplishment. Then my pseudo AA sponsor wasn't there and I wanted a beer.
It wasn't bad, drinking. Better moods supplied an easier ordeal with that. It helped that I had met someone and I didn't want to say no to a beer. But reality finally hit again today. After a three day stint of drunk, feeling sorry for myself then stoked on life. I am right back in confusion.
I don't like this feeling. I don't understand it. I had cut off feeling for a while. I had managed to cut off some sort of ability to feel more emotion than infatuation. Now that I have the ability again, this thing for another human being feeling where I just want to be near him, now comes the crazy again.
Well, the AA sponsor is back in town. A good night of sober pool and wandering will do me well.
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