Big Steps

As the rain keeps falling
Crashing around me
Screaming at the top of my lungs
I know you can't hear me
I know you can't see me
I need you to, I want you to
Every drop on my face
You're close by
Yet not close enough
I feel what I dreaded most
Why I run
Why I needed to run in the first place
You're here
You said you'd be here
This isn't what I wanted
This isn't what I need to be
The rain trickles
Down my cheeks
It's a losing battle every step of the way
There is no calm
The storm constantly waging
Never waning
Never ceasing
You ask me
And this is why
I can't slow down
I can't hold back
Everything is fleeting
This is what I wanted
What I asked for
What a girl dreams for every day
But I'm drowning
It's too much
Too fast
Too little
Too late
I'm young, too young
Yet too old to not be jaded
Anxious
I'm lacking
No mission
No future
Losing your winning battle
This is where the spinning should stop
But the lights keep flashing
And my head is swimming
Everything blurs-
But the rain keeps falling
Do you still feel lucky?
I've lost track
My one constant
One comfort
The rain
My dreams
Aspirations
I should have thought it through
Do I really need to stress this fact?
The chanting
The yelling
The voice in the back of my head
You're all I want
All I need
Yet too much-
And not enough
I don't want to need
I just stand in the rain
With my clean slates and lost dreams.