Stick to your guns

Take your own advice.

Gaddamn confusion...

instant vertigo

'Cause I opened my eyes wide
-and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs.
Screaming,
I can't stop.
The world can't stop, never slows down.
Just going faster
And faster
and faster and faster and faster and faster
Till I'm dizzy
Spinning and laughing.
The blur of color
Breathing, choking, coughing,
It's there
Graspable.
Because when the booze wears off
and the ash is swirling
with ten thousand cigarettes littering the floor
You know it's done.
The smiles wear down.
Crumble, crack.
The heart stops pounding,
the eyes go cold.

And a new day must begin.

Why that one good piece of advice changes everything

So the deal, that real deal, is that I am a girl. Yes, shocker. Lo an behold, I have to fucking admit it. Oop, and lookie here, I also am slightly anxious. Surprise, surprise.

So I took that Xanax and it kicked in fifteen minutes into a conversation.

And the advice was given that I'm sure I needed to hear. "Just be honest. Just have that important conversation". It was necessary. And here's why. Not because it was right, but because it was strong. No, I'm not going to follow it. I'm going to let it lie. I'm going to let things pass. Because really, honestly, truly, I do not want to waste any more time. At all. Nope. Not doing it.

Sure if a few weeks pass and there is no word, I might think about it again. But until then, there's this life I have, see? And there's a lot of people who care about me. And if I keep sitting and moping and panicking over gaddamn nothing (because believe me, it's always nothing) then I'm not going to move forward in anything.

So here's the answer, if anyone cares to know: there's no one I am going to put more energy into any longer. If they want me, they can come and find me, but until then, I am back to being the person I would like to be. Staying productive, improving myself, and succeeding with everything that is way more important than sex and/or flutter.

Ovaries ruin absolutely everything...

So it's that moment you met someone you actually want to give time to. That moment you sit down and go, "wow, I'm not indifferent for once." That's the moment you should try and turn off your soon to be cracked out on what I like to call "ovary inspired crazy time" which isn't actually what it sounds like, just merely the moment your girl side tries to take over and makes you absolutely insane with questions like "why hasn't he called yrt?" "does he really like me or is this all a game?" "is h in this for a relationship? should i ask him now?"
All of these questions are retarded. Why can't girls just sit back and let shit happen? Why are we in a stupid goddamn rush to get into something? We scare them away, people! The minute your crazy shows even in the littlest way, we are immediately looked at in a different light.